I am becoming enormously apprehensive about our upcoming
holiday plans. We’ve had these plans for three months but honestly I do not
know if I can do it.
Our plan is to travel to North Carolina to visit my stepson,
his fiance and their four year old twins for three days. Will stay at a nearby hotel
and spend Xmas Eve and Christmas there then continue south to Florida. There we
will stay with my 86 year old mom for four days. From there we head up the Gulf
coast and visit some friends for two days. And from there we head to Atlanta to
visit/stay with my stepdaughter, her husband and seven month old baby for three days before heading home.
First of all, I hate staying at anyone’s house. Period. Always have. Even my mom’s.
The stepkids are not big drinkers but they smoke marijuana day and night.
My mom is a drinker. Not excessively at her age anymore but she likes her white
wine. All of this sounds so stressful.
Just far too much visiting than I feel I am up for. Geez! Even if I was
drinking I would not want to be 24/7 constantly around people for so many days.
I have no idea why I ever agreed to this trip in the first place. The more I
think about it the more I dread this.I have got to figure something out here.
Not sure what but this is not going to work.
Could you cancel?
ReplyDeleteSometimes the solution is to do what we need, not what we think is expected or polite.
It’s a hard one, but your personal wellnesss is important.
Think about what it would take to make this less distressing.
Thank you for your comment on my blog. I look forward to hearing more from you!
Anne
Thanks very much for your insight, Anne. I cannot completely cancel. I have not been to Mom's place for four years. She comes north twice a year but it is becoming increasingly more difficult for her to make the trek. I am going to call her today and let her know what is going on. I have stopped drinking and I want to stay sober. That means avoid being around people who are drinking...at least for now. Hopefully it will become easier in the future but right now? No. I know she will be supportive. This isn't exactly a 45 year old secret! I know she worries about me. If this means flying to Florida by myself that is what I'll do. But the plans as they were originally made just are not a possibility. Thanks again.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate! I know the idea is terrifying, but sober Christmases are the best, and WAY less stressful than drunk ones! But Anne is right, in the early days you must do whatever makes things easiest for you! Be kind to yourself. You are doing an amazing thing. You are a superhero! Huge hugs to you, Clare Pooley (SM)
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and taking the time to reply. I love your blogs and your book, Clare! I calmly read your book, laughed out loud (hubby wanted to know what the hell was so funny at 4:00 in the morning) and didn't stare at the ceiling once!
DeleteHi Kate. We have a lot in common. I'm in my 60s too (a few years older) have also struggled with wine for decades. I actually had a couple years sobriety in my 50s then relapsed for seven long years until earlier this year. I messed up Dry January miserably on day 5 so started again on Jan. 30th. Praise God it stuck! That still amazes me. I also travel a lot between two homes and a load of family commitments. But I refused to travel or accept any social invites for several months after deciding to quit. For me it was the only way to grow sober muscles (as Mrs. D. calls them lol) and to protect my sobriety, at least until I had enough time to handle being around drinkers. I finally agreed to a cruise last October with the hubby and it was still a bit of a challenge even after 9 months but I managed. My point is, I think you need more time under your belt to adjust to your new sober lifestyle. Maybe just go visit your mom and forgo everyone else this holiday season. It won't be easy but it is well worth giving your sobriety top priority if you can. Good luck! I wish you well whatever you decide. Keep in touch. Hugs, Joni x
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to read and comment. Yes, I am going to visit my Mom and that is it. I called her Sunday to tell her of the change in plans and told her why. As I thought, she was very supportive. I was surprised to hear my younger brother was there visiting her. Out of five kids he and I are the only lushes. And he usually lands on her doorstep after he has been fired from a job. I didn't ask...
DeleteWow. Couple of years of sobriety followed by a relapse. I know I shouldn't worry about it but that thought terrifies me. Did you think maybe you could handle it, Joni? Or was your relapse crisis driven? Or maybe just a combination of a whole lot of things?
DeleteKate, I'm so glad to hear you decided to put your travel plans on hold and just go visit your mom. She sounds very special - lucky you! BTW I got sober the first time around with AA. I even had a nice sponsor but detested the meetings. I'm very shy so speaking out was terrifying for me and seems I was always being called on. I also hated having to identify myself as an "A" at every meeting so just stopped going. After several months of going it alone I thought I could handle a drink when out with friends. Wrong! I will never let THAT happen again. Onwards and upwards on Day 317 :)
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