Yes, it really has. I
don't keep a mental day counter in my head. I had to look that up on this app I
downloaded two months ago. I don't write here very often (OBVIOUSLY!) because
I seriously do not think about drinking all that often.
I thought about drinking
constantly when I was drinking. Drinking was on my mind 24/7. I do not miss any
of it. None of it. Not even the taste.
I think staying in safety
zones is enormously important for me. Just keeping to my day-to-day routine
makes things manageable. I went out of town over Christmas break and it was
very, very uncomfortable. Actually, it was awful! I was so not ready for it. It
was too soon as many here kindly suggested. But I managed to keep reminding
myself how shitty I'd feel if I had to start a Day One again. A few times I
thought maybe I could just give it a break over the holiday and start back up
over New Year's. But I've been there before and knew if I had even one glass of
wine I wasn't going to stop the next day, the next week or the next month.
I do not want to go back
to that prison I created for myself. My days and time feel so free. I can go to
the store anytime I want or need to without worrying about being under the
influence. I can schedule morning meetings and appointments without worrying
about being hungover and feeling and looking like absolute crap. I don't have
to plan and worry if I have enough wine in the house to get through the night.
A large Bota Box would last two days so I needed to stop at the store every
other day. But I had to change up stores of course so no one think I was a lush
(ha-ha.) I do not miss any of it!
Belle mentioned and
included messages last week from pen pals affected by the Polar Vortex that
came through the parts of the US. My school was closed for two days due to the
cold and in days past, that would have been reason for an absolute party. My
own private little party but you get the idea, an idea that also crossed the
minds of many of Belle's followers. But I did not even consider stopping
by the store Tuesday when we were sent home early with instructions to report
back on Friday. Because I do not want to live like that anymore.
